As I awoke this morning... Yet again more feelings of loss , desperation , and despair. I often wonder what has happened to me to feel this empty inside. Could it be from losing the only man I ever really loved , could it be from some dark hidden secret from my past that plagues my memory with no memory at all ? Or maybe ... I am just that lonely anymore that i shut off from everyone and everything i know or have known.
I am actually getting very good at hiding how i truely feel ... but is this actually hurting me in the long run ? Shutting down to where i am nothing at all anymore... being one of the many few who have become invisible to all those around them?
Even though i feel depressed most days .. I am strong .. I do fight to live and get through these feelings with strive but i do feel myself dying more inside each day that passes with no end in sight. I fear myself ... I have never really liked myself ... and yet all those around me .. love me ... why ? I see nothing here but an empty shell that merely exists in a moment in time before time its self is over and i am no longer to be here ....
Maddening as this all seems ... the confusion , the lose , the pain , and the never ending questions ... I feel i must go through this for a purpose .. whatever that purpose may be ... has yet to show its self .. till then ... I will push through in hopes that some day .... I will be whole again...
Jenna~
I am actually getting very good at hiding how i truely feel ... but is this actually hurting me in the long run ? Shutting down to where i am nothing at all anymore... being one of the many few who have become invisible to all those around them?
Even though i feel depressed most days .. I am strong .. I do fight to live and get through these feelings with strive but i do feel myself dying more inside each day that passes with no end in sight. I fear myself ... I have never really liked myself ... and yet all those around me .. love me ... why ? I see nothing here but an empty shell that merely exists in a moment in time before time its self is over and i am no longer to be here ....
Maddening as this all seems ... the confusion , the lose , the pain , and the never ending questions ... I feel i must go through this for a purpose .. whatever that purpose may be ... has yet to show its self .. till then ... I will push through in hopes that some day .... I will be whole again...
Jenna~
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