And there is no one.......

Yesterday was .........I don't know what to do anymore....One of the most painful things I have ever had to do.... is... walk away from the man I am in love with........

We will never touch again.... we will never kiss...... we will never be in each others arms again....I won't be welcoming him home, I will not get that excited feeling as I see him drive up anymore ... I have lost everything...........And now......... a shattered heart .........I don't want to feel anymore...

If anything I have gotten out of this last relationship is...........to give up! Done trying.....no strength left, no trust left, no security left, no happiness left, no family left, no home.........my heart hurts so much, physically I am being effected by this pain........No longer want anyone .... no longer going to try ... going to just stop!

I have spent most the night trying to breath right , my chest is hurting so bad I fear I might have to go see doc.....my nerves are shot and now not only do I feel completely alone.... I am :(

I constantly look at my life and wonder what terrible wrong did I do to be going through this..........Why me ? whats wrong with me??????? what have I done to be so isolated... mistreated, abused, discarded, left! Why doesn't anyone love me ?.............

why........

so I am stopping... I give up ... I give in .......

I'm Sorry :((

Bad Moments Even Worse Days

There are days that everything just seems to fall apart. In those days it starts out bad and just keeps getting worse through out. What are you to do when those days happen ? I have no clue. The only thing I can lean on is, take it one moment at a time. When you wake up and right off bad begins....let it. Let that moment happen, take in a deep breath, then try to let it go. Sometimes that works, sometimes not. I can no longer do what everyone wants me to do just because it would make them feel better...What happens to me , how I feel, what I want ? I don't think many really think about that when expecting things from me. I can't make everyone happy all the time or even some of the time. This year has been spent trying to better me, and finding it difficult and heartbreaking at times yet I refuse to let anyone knock me down...I can't.

Whispers, Silent, Acknowledgements

There are times in life you have to begin to acknowledge a few things to yourself. Think back to those "Why did I say that?" or "I could have really handled that differently" or even "I am clearly stating this view point, why aren't they understanding what I am relating?" moments and realize how to correct the course for future conversations. I have noticed though...some are incapable of doing so, or just flat out refuse to and are keeping score. I do not agree with score cards or how some blindly walk through life denying half the things in which their own actions caused, which lead to very destructive outcomes. People make life far more complicated than it needs to be by merely denying their fault in situations and regret later down the road of life.

Accountability!! It starts with holding your self accountable to your own actions, first and foremost!