Well today is my birthday... and i feel no different than the day before. Illusions are still all the same and for one moment i thought.... maybe .. just maybe...... this day will be different .. that for some reason I will have some sort of day without worry , pain , loneliness ... But again... Today is no different than any other day. Life is moving on ... no birthday cake to blow out the candles , no one to give me a hug and say "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" no friends to throw that all so annoying surprise party where everyone gets so drunk that everyone is laughing at each other by the end of the night.
As we grow older , we come to realize that your birthday is just another day ... carries no real importance other than you are once again one more year older and closer to death. When you are a child ... and your parents throw you that birthday party , all your friends and family are over you sing , you laugh , you eat cake and ice cream ... You feel you are the only person in the world and that special feeling makes you feel loved....Special...
You get older .... the parties begin to fade ... your family is busy working .. and your friends have went on to live their own lives .... doesn't make you feel that special anymore ... Just another day.
This is the price i have paid in living with my depression ... became so isolated ... that even i do not see myself anymore. I am not the once cheery bouncy little girl with the long blond hair. It's my birthday .... and i feel nothing at all ... It's my birthday ... and .... well ... it's just another day.
Happy Valentines Day everyone !
Jenna~
As we grow older , we come to realize that your birthday is just another day ... carries no real importance other than you are once again one more year older and closer to death. When you are a child ... and your parents throw you that birthday party , all your friends and family are over you sing , you laugh , you eat cake and ice cream ... You feel you are the only person in the world and that special feeling makes you feel loved....Special...
You get older .... the parties begin to fade ... your family is busy working .. and your friends have went on to live their own lives .... doesn't make you feel that special anymore ... Just another day.
This is the price i have paid in living with my depression ... became so isolated ... that even i do not see myself anymore. I am not the once cheery bouncy little girl with the long blond hair. It's my birthday .... and i feel nothing at all ... It's my birthday ... and .... well ... it's just another day.
Happy Valentines Day everyone !
Jenna~
Everyday I'm amazed more and more by the way you describe the things I feel. Just remember you are not as alone as you might think. You have freinds and family who DO understand and WILL do what they can to help. I know how hard it can be to see that through the darkness you find yourslef in. Ive been there several times. It doesn't take much to shed some light in your life. You are my light and I hope I can be yours. You have a beautifiul child who needs you more than anything. If you need help getting though the day, you know where to look. You know who your friends are and you know where to find us. ;)
ReplyDeleteTotally agree with TB, you have friends. Granted we're not there to have a cake ready for you to blow out the candles on or throw you that surprise party, but we're here to give you those birthday wishes and remind you that you have people out there that do care about you as a person, as a mom, as a friend. It's true, you do know where to find us if you need anything!
ReplyDeleteThank you , you two ... It's not that i would want that crap lol I am in reality not that sentimental , But being here for one realizing you (I) are now 30 means your kissing your 20's goodbye , and another is , You look around and see that on your day of birth ... there is NO ONE around to spend it with , ir chill with just to even watch movies with is depressing in its self. So today really is just another day. I do appreciate you two have been there for me through whatever issues i have during any given point in my day. Also that today you both without prompt wished me a happy bday .. means alot to me .. thank you.
ReplyDeletetalk about kissing your 20's goodbye, if this is what i have to look forward to, then damn, i'm staying in my 20's for a while.
ReplyDelete