Good days and the bad

Do you have days that are good and then comes the bad? When things are good you can laugh about anything , but when they are bad ..... you wish you were never even born , life just seems to punch you right where it hurts and you feel not wanted , needed or even seen for who you are. Today is one of those days .... no matter what i do , think say or feel ..... i am never going to be what everyone wants me to be .... I am not perfect .... i am not made of stone ....

I have emotions , i have thoughts and feelings that no one really wants to hear ... because if they hear them ... then i become human ... not important enough to be seen....

I try so hard to make everyone else happy ..... alll i really do is get hurt , and hurt back ...... somedays i just feel invisible to those who love me .... never knowing why but in the end .... just another day of feeling worthless .

My life with depression

My life with pain of not knowing why

My life with ........

Just my life.

Daily Dilema's

Well here I sit again. Nothing much to report this time , other than stress is getting the better part of me and I have once again went the route of doing what always feels comfortable to me. Hide from my problems , shut down , and walk away. I really must find another way of dealing with my stresses and depression. Some days seem better than others , but again ... I only open myself up for hurt , pain , anger , let down , and various other emotions that eventually lead to me crashing. Patterns are getting rather out of hand , but at least I am able to now see them where as before I was not. I see this as a good sign. A step toward helping myself understand what goes on in this head of mine.

Been Awhile

Ok well it's been awhile sense my last blog. Nothing much really going on in my life .. things have been hetic, and rather stressful. Not sleeping well , and yet again sick again. Not all is lost though.. Been making head way on website , and getting some really good creative ideas lately on new designs. Business is slowing down some and giving me a much needed break.

Right now i am just in a retro thinking mode ... thinking of everything and yet nothing all at the same time ... i feel like i am accomplishing nothing really , spinning wheels to another slow burn.

I am sure one day my head will be right and all things in life will be zen like again , but for the moment , i am slowing down and enjoying the moments in time i am in ... sleep will come , and calm will settle my oh so scattered mind.